On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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