Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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