we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
