Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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