i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
