Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
