then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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