He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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