True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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