Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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