I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
