I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
