ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
