Just mADE A PArabola og urine
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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