Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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