You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
