I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
