you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
