So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
