I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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