I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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