Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
