You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
