my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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