Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
