so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
