Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
