The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
