did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
