I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
