Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize