Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
