I hate your face
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
