she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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