i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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