ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
