You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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