just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
