So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize