he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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