I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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