As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
