we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
