Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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