It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
