What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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