sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
