i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
