i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
