dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
