if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
