No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
