I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize