Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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