You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
