they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
