a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
