Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
