just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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