I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
