then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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