He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
