Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
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Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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