i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize