speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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