im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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